A couple of days ago I had an encounter with a tournament pro that really made me resent my near miss for the WSOP bracelet back in June.

This tournament pro is a loud abrasive guy with a serious chip on his shoulder.  He has had a lot of success in the past year or so, but the success has only served to increase his general irritability rather than mellowing him out.  I entered a $500 sit n’ go and found myself seated two seats to this jackasses’ left.  Then the following scene unfolded.

Jackass spends the first 30 mins of the sit n’ go talking nonstop shit.  He’s in a good mood and convinces the entire table to post a $100 last longer along with a $100 bounty.  I reluctantly agree to both.  Most of the table is very familiar with him.  The table is general is tough.  It consists almost entirely of east coast pros who all know one another.  I’m a quiet outsider in this group.

Eventually I am dealt KQs in the small blind, and with the blinds at 50 and 100, jackass openraises to 325 from the cutoff and is called by the button.  I consider squeezing but decide to just call, and the big blind calls as well.  The flop comes Q-Q-7.  I check, and so does the big blind.  Jackass bets 900 of his remaining 3000 chips, the button folds and I raise all in for around 2800.  The big blind folds.  Jackass is no longer in a good mood.

Jackass:   Well I guess my fucking kings are no good (fires cards into the muck).  Motherfucking donkey idiot calls me with Q-10 or some shit.  You guys believe this shit?

I had not uttered a word at the table until this point.

Me:  You had two kings there?

Jackass:  Yeah, and you cracked them with your bullshit Q-10.  Nice play.

Me:  I didn’t have a queen.

Jackass:  Give me a fucking break.  Do you know who I am?!  I play this game a lot better than you ever will.  You’re not raising in a four way pot there without a queen.

Me:  I didn’t have a queen.

Now he’s really pissed.  He turns sideways, stares right at me with wild eyes, and:

Jackass:  I will suck a big hairy nigger moose cock if you didn’t have a queen in your hand!  What the fuck do you think this is?  I’m ranked nineteenth in the world!  What are you ranked?  How much have YOU cashed for this year?

At this exact point in time, I wished more than ever that I had won that WSOP bracelet back in June.  For if I had, I would have responded by silently sliding my sweatshirt sleeve up to my forearm, smirking and showing Jackass the hardware.  But since that wasn’t an option:

Me:  I don’t care what your ranking is.  But if you’re gonna insist that we pull out our dicks and meaure them, I got two-outed on the river for a WSOP bracelet in June.

This answer did the trick.  Jackass stopped haranguing me and even asked a few earnest questions about the circumstances of my WSOP final table.  He busted a little while later, and I ended up chopping the sit ‘n go.

Next time I won’t bother lying about my hand.